Last week, I took my oldest (T) to their school’s Kindergarten Open House. Unlike two years ago when it hit me hard she’ll be going to school, what got me this time was she’ll be in kindergarten in the fall.
I was lucky enough to be able to spend this few hours with her alone. We walked to school and as I talked to her future teacher, and other parents she was busy playing all over her future class room.
It was great to see familiar faces, parents and kids alike, for the benefit of my little girl. I don’t doubt she’ll be able to make friends easier than me ofcourse.
This year our oldest turned 4, and we had a new baby. Also, today is Mother’s Day.
Balancing my time between my two kids is still a struggle — a struggle which I was not prepared for.
I was also not prepared on how emotionally draining it can be. I was watching Ali Wong’s new Netflix special this morning and one of her jokes mentioned how our interest in glittery / bedazzled / rhinestone-y things is to compensate for the light inside of us getting sucked out by motherhood. I found it funny. My husband on the other hand wondered if that’s how I felt. Truth be told, I have my days. Just a couple of weeks ago I was walking around the mall looking for an outfit for our daughter’s Christening and I almost broke down because none of what I tried on properly fit. The baby weight usually doesn’t bother me but that day it did, and it creeps up on me once in a while.
Motherhood is tough. Keeping your tiny humans alive and raising them to be good people while keeping your s**t together and not losing your sense of self is tough.
All I can hope for is to be half the mother my mom is, and for my kids to understand I’m doing the best I can.
Their smile melts my heart.
Their tears and pain breaks my soul.
Their well being is my top priority.
They are my world.
Last Saturday, February 17, my husband and I welcomed our second child. Despite the amount of pain I had to endure, my hospital experience was much better this time around.
Having 2 kids for the past week has proven to be challenging. Even when our youngest sleeps most of the day, it always seems as if I don’t have enough time to do what I needed to do. I bounce from breastfeeding, to burping, to changing diapers, to playing with my eldest, to trying to get a bit done around the house, and back to breastfeeding again. Once in a while I’m able to figure out how to squeeze in a shower. I am incredibly thankful and grateful my mother-in-law took the week off in anticipation of the baby to lend a hand.
The idea of having more than one kid is not foreign to me. However, now that we finally have a new addition to our family, I realized there are a few things I was not prepared for:
- How excited and accepting our daughter was. She was excited to get to hold her sister when the rest of the family came for a visit. She wanted all the turns she could get. It was adorable. I needed to adjust to the fact that she’s eager with everything: from helping to change her diaper, to burping her; from giving her a bath, to story time cuddles before bed.
- The combined demands of my kids. I’m stretching myself thin between one who needs to be fed every two hours (on the dot too, by the way) and changed, and another who constantly want to play and cuddle.
- The guilt. It so easy to feel incredibly guilty whenever I can’t quickly attend to my eldest. I went from being able to drop everything when she needs attention to needing her to wait until I’m done attending to her sister. Sometimes she doesn’t wait very long, and sometimes it’s a good half hour to 45 minutes. It gets worse for me when she starts pouting. I know she’s only 3 and she doesn’t fully understand that she’ll have to share our attention with her sister now but it doesn’t help alleviate the guilt.
So what is it like having more than one kid? So far atleast is it’s a lot of work. It’s a constant explaining of why we need to be gentle, why we need to wait a few minutes, and why we need to use our quiet voices with diaper changes and getting puked on in between. It’s me running on sugar and exhaustion. At the end of the day though, we have 2 amazing kids and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
February 16, 2018
Finally! I can actually feel contractions! I have been having light cramping for the past couple of days but it would end up either as me passing gas, or a contraction.
At my doctor’s appointment today I was told I am currently 2 cm dilated. I was elated! At least now I know something is actually happening down there. The doctor offered to do a sweep to get labor going more, but also informed me that it’ll hurt. I didn’t go ahead with it because I don’t think looking after a three-year-old and low pain tolerance will mix well especially since I don’t know if the pain will be during or after the sweep.
I sure am glad I already have my hospital bag ready though.
You can come out anytime baby girl. :p
My husband asked me today if I simply wanted for this pregnancy to be over with.
NO. Especially since I know there’s a slim chance I’ll get pregnant again in the future. My husband is ok with 2 kids, while I on the other hand would love one more. So we’ll see how everything plays out.
I’m due on Valentine’s Day, and all I can do right now is hope that this baby do come out on the 14th. But that’s hoping. In reality, she can come out before or after that. All I’m concerned about is not getting induced. I have a very low pain tolerance and I’ve heard getting induced is more painful than normal labour.
So far I’m doing ok. I have zero energy but I’m glad I’m still able to do a bit of housework and play with my daughter. I’ve been trying to stay active since I was told it also helps a lot with labor. It’s not as easy now that I’m on maternity leave compared to when I’m still working.
Anyway, I can’t seem to shake myself out of my regular work schedule where I head to bed at 9 PM, so goodnight. 🙂